Booking in to an empty bunk is quite an experience. Its as if you were the only one left after the Rapture. You see helmets on the floor, slippers & boots strewn about, grey army t-shirts and uniform draped over chairs, half empty "subway" cups. You think to yourself, "They must have left in a hurry!!"

Its good to be alone when you're in the right frame of mind. Especially after a weekend with almost every friend you have. So there I was, relaxing in the bunk. Watching "Boston Legal" which, in my opinion, is the coolest & funniest show since Seinfeld. Later I switched over to the World Cup Match between England & Ecuador. It was a typical, uninspired England performance where they struggled to win by that single Beckham goal. It was lights out for me at the final whistle but I found that after I got into bed, I couldn't sleep. I just lay there with my eyes closed but my mind was racing with all the things that I care about. I think it was almost 3am before I dozed off into a dream about me not being able to sleep...

Am I doing what it takes to follow Christ? If it came down to the fact that He wanted me to remain in Singlehood so as to fulfill His plan, would I obey? There are so many things I'm willing to give up... Namely money, time & effort...

"But God!! Isn't it my right to have a partner?"

But God reminds me about all the times that I sing about living for Him. About giving my heart & my soul. Isn't God's promises enough? Its never been about my finding the right one. Its so much more than that. He reminds me that He has the best plan for me but I keep jumping the gun, getting myself hurt and wallowing in a pit that I dig for myself. God reminds me that He has a plan for me. To make me strong emotionally & spiritually. And there is reassurance, peace, joy & strength to overcome everything that stands before me.

~~~ Dusk & Summer ~~~
She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
when the world is hers and she held your eyes
out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
and she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
and you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
when you only had barely enough of her to hang on
| dashboard confessional |